Surrender...

मैंने तो तेरे, तेरे उत्ते छड्डियां डोरियाँ 

I have left all the strings to be taken care off by you

(lyrics: Highway song Patakha Guddi , composition AR Rehman)

Much has been discussed intellectually about surrender and 'going with the flow', personally, but when it comes to practice, who hasn't struggled; unless you are a realized soul , of whom, i have met very few!

Life is actually like Rainbow Grey these days... =) can't decide whether i'm moving in THE direction, but i'm moving in some direction nevertheless! who knows what awaits next? A paradigm shift is happening. there's this happy kind of confusion and chaos... not the the one i used to feel uncomfortable in, but one that makes me feel there is somewhere where I 'belong', so why so much resistance and struggle and anger at the Universe? What for? 

Who am I fighting anyway? What am I trying to prove anyway?

It's a strange comfort to be studying what you like and liking what you study! I certainly am... and all that evades is a slight smile to all the wonderful batch mates cribbing and whining about how much they feel discontented. I don't know what I'm going to do with art, theatre and psychology; but surely it's a new space i'm entering and exploring. I belong everywhere and nowhere! It is nice to discover and Accept own paradoxes before reaching out to anyone else (if that is meant to!)

Not that I don't feel unsettled anymore, but learning to "hand over to the universe" to take care of the 'results' and 'circumstances'. Life has a funny way of teaching you things. Bringing back old people, starting where you 'lefted it'  or gifting you with new moments, a speck of dust (tinka) that doesn't pinch in your eyes anymore, but settles somewhere, finds its own place with time...

Thank you...

Sharing a beautiful lullaby i'm stuck to these days, some beautiful metaphors at work. Gonna surely sing this to my kid in future! (or already am?!)  :D

Song: Sooha Saaha

Movie: Highway

Music: A R Rahman

Lyrics: Irshad Kamil

Singers: Zeb (of Zeb and Haniya), Alia Bhatt

Maina ne sooha saaha le jaana khoye ki

Meethi meethi kheti mein khelan ho..

Totaa bole pedon pe, ped se, poodi se

Sooha saaha neendan mein okha na ho

Sangi saathi, hang soone thaare ho na ho*

Sooha saaha, amma ka..

Sooha saaha, amma ka..

Sparrow will take the red rabbit to play 

in the sweet farms of milk solids..

parrot speaks on trees, to tree, to poodi,

that the red rabbit shouldn't be finding it hard to sleep..

maybe there are your friends there or not,

the red rabbit of mother..

the red rabbit of mother..

Raina...

Kaare kaare koylaan si raina

Neendi tola, tola si lai na

Taaron ka bichhona.. chain se sona

Night,

night like black coals,

Take (gold like) small, small sleep.. 

[tola is a traditional measurement of gold, almost 10 grams]

bedding of stars, sleep with peace..

Gota gota gudri mein ghoomega ghaamega

Sooha saaha maina ne le jaana ho..

he'll roam wearing shiny patched clothes,

red rabbit which the sparrow has to take..

Toota.. taara sa

Chhota sa, taara sa.. toota re..

Poochhe wo dekhun teri baari

Kyun na soye, kyun tu roye

Kyun tu khoye yoon pardes mein ho..

Broke, as if some star,

small one, some star seemed to break, [shooting star is called breaking of star in Hindi]

It asks me if I wait for your turn..

Why do you not sleep, why do you cry,

why do you get lost in foreign land like that..

Kyun tu rootha, kis se rootha

Kya hai chhoota tera des mein ho..

Why are you angry, and angry with whom?

What is left of yours in (our native) country?

Jo bhi hai rookha-sookha

Mann mein wo bolo toh

Kholon raahein baaton ki, baahein ho..

Whatever dry you have

in your heart, say..

open the paths, the arms of talks.. 

(source: Sooha Saha )

Life Like Rainbow Grey

Welcome all,

Better late than never...

Gratitude to all the appreciation received today... and hoping for another brilliant show tomorrow!
Come join us at American Centre! :D

more on https://www.facebook.com/lifelikerainbowgrey

Are you blind?

Firstly, I'm really happy to invite you all to one of my last 'performances' in college. After a month of directing  my juniors, I myself feel like going up on the stage and acting! Been really long..but then, it's kind of hard for me to facilitate and act at the same time. Today I'm remembering my dear seniors and 'teachers' who have given me some amazing moments on stage as co- actors as well as directors. We're nearing our performance..and the cast is all geared up. One thing I've realized about myself is that I really love working with amateur actors. I love workshopping with them.. It's so raw and beautiful and genuine! I'm going to miss all this... Anyway, so here's an open invitation to you all! :P

There's another thing i feel like writing about.. probably as means of catharsis. Something that has been irritating me since yesterday.. I was there at college yesterday, and reached there a little early for practice. Seemed like there was some event yesterday since it was buzzing with people from other colleges. So there's a place just outside our auditorium, a space between 4 pillars where students usually decorate Rangoli or an installation depending on what the event is. Yesterday the place was decorated with a beautiful rangoli. As I was sitting, waiting in the foyer, I noticed a girl run over the rangoli, and I literally had a jaw drop. I was shocked and before i could tell her, she ran away. Probably she was in a hurry. I got back to reading my book, when again I noticed a guy walk over the rangoli as if he was completely blind! :O That was the time I snapped and asked him why couldn't he walk around the pillar rather than walk OVER a piece or art?! It's not even as if there is a lack of space! And the worse thing is that I saw 3 more people doing that. Are people really blind that they can't SEE Art let alone appreciate it.. or they just ignorant!? Not belonging from our college is not even an excuse that i can fathom for such an act! Seeing the rangoli getting spoiled in front of my eyes, while i was there practicing was really really painful! =(

Violet- Gold

Recap...

Firstly, the bad news is that i've stopped WRITING the journal. Good thing is that i'm blogging. ;) I should write more...been procrastinating since a long time. As the journey to psychology keeps getting close, somehow developing the skill of writing seems imperative. Nevertheless, may be i'll go back to writing the journal every week, or at least will try to blog.

'Excuses' for all this is that lots of things are happening. Classifying them broadly in 2 categories: Theatre and Psychology.

Last week was crazy. I was asked to help in making some props to be used in a production facilitated by my theatre teacher/s. I was supposed to make 4 "abstract flutes/pipes". Now how does one make an abstract flute?! This involved a lot of trial and error. Finally agreed upon making the flutes with plastic water-bottles, since Sir quite appreciates my effort of re-cycling stuff. Raw structure-done! Now comes the difficult part- the colour and decoration of these flutes! crazy crazy. tried multiple colours-silver, gold, blue, orange. But ended up with the beautiful violet-gold. My love and association with violet-gold light keeps strengthening over the years...i love the way this light energy guides me through.

Another theatre venture that i've undertaken recently is that I'm directing a play. Just a psychology department initiative, but extremely special for me, because i think this is going be my last directorial venture. This play is also special because it is another perspective to another play that i did before. So i like to call it- Black White Etc II. We've picked up the theme of exploring the experience of Motherhood through the eyes of the women (and not the child, as psychology often does). Need your blessings in successful communication and exploration that i hope to do with this piece of art.

Also started my project of understanding the Meditation chakras and it's symbolism, thanks to Carl Jung! Let's see where this goes now...

Moreover, amidst all this psychodrama of life, paid a visit to explore raw idols of one of the Indian Mother Archetype... ;)

~ Embracing and seeking to know 'Ma'. Happy Durga Puja to all!

A World of Scarecrows

 

 

Who is a Scarecrow?
People who are mentally ill, or people who make them feel one?
What is insanity?
Who then is really normal?
A world, a World of Scarecrows

In the process of my training in psychology, I often wondered why is it that people who are different, people who challenge the so called 'normality' are put into grids, as if stratified into rows and columns? We all do it, society does it. We box them and keep them aside. We adhere to the manual. We dictate them as right or wrong, as eccentrics, probably as even the scum of the earth. We justify our acts so as to keep the society safe, not bothering to see whether THEY are safe at all.

The play ‘A World of Scarecrows’ is an attempt to create Mental Health Awareness amongst common people and to give them a glimpse into the lives of people suffering from distinct psychological disorders, the stigmas they're often subjected to and the ridicule they face at the hands of the society. We targeted particularly four psychological disorders, namely-Schizophrenia, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Anorexia Nervosa and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. The presentation culminated in the form of the stage production with elements of music, lights and an installation. With this, we asserted the necessity of being receptive to their needs and to integrate them through adjustment as part of the larger society.
A milestone worth mentioning is when we were invited to stage our play at a medical conference in Ram Manohar Lohia (RML) Hospital. Here, targeting a different audience was an experience that will be much cherished!

.

 

Winter...

The silken zephyr blows through my face,
lustrous,velvety,

Shades of grey with silver sparkles
through my soul,the empty space...

The changing seasons have always been amusing to the human mind...
the season of winter too causes ambivalence in our life,Universe and everything around us.
It symbolises death and isolation for some and a beginning and union for others.
Standing amidst all is a tree.., a figment of my imagination.
give it a colour- violet,silver,gold,turquoise, white? (or black?)
give it a voice- agnostic.
give it a shape- abstract

This winter I experienced a journey in its own... Through a face,i give it mine! =) and engaged in a dialogue with this so called multiple branched 'abstract' tree! This season too my friend and i were discussing NUMBNESS, when we boiled down to saying that it can be caused by two factors (broadly speaking!) : extreme pleasure or extreme sadness (oh well, sadness would be an understatement,desolation or melancholy would sound better?! =/ ) But apart from the discussion, i experienced Numbness too this winter... (the reason of which i'm still trying to figure out!) The point i'm trying to make is maybe Numbness doesn't really have a causation... (just a maybe).. It's a void after all... a deep abyss.., the 'grays' in life that i often ignore/d while switching from white to black or vice-versa...

This season too... I caught a glimpse of the Winter Moon

                         and we smiled together at the insipid world of gloom!

                         I touched the fresh morning dew,

                         I saw some flowers,blossomed,yet how few!

                         I stood amidst the Haze, i warmed myself in the 'halki dhoop'

                        And yet again, i start anew...

coz in the end...               "जैसा दर्द हो, वैसा मंज़र होता है 

                                       मौसम तो इंसान के अन्दर होता है ! "

P.S.- This was written in a state of disgust yet satisfaction of having facilitated a meditation,and making others see the light, and yet not being able to do it myself... (strange,isn't it?!)

nevertheless, 'I received'... THANKS to the 'Mirror', and the entire cast (aks ,sugandha, sanjana, shivangi, yamini)co-workers(Apurva,Samira,Diva) of  'मौसम तो इंसान के अन्दर होता है',a dialogue... (

  " Even when times are a mixed bag of fare,
   When tepid or eager highs and lows snare,
    There is a gentle space within me
       Where I can be, as creative as can be! " =)