Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Umbilical cord

Vocabulary that leads to my 'Brain Damage'

image source: Frozen Thoughts. Vol 10, issue 5



Navel : a small hollow in a person's stomach where the Umbilical cord was cut at birth

Friday, April 15, 2011

Anaesthesia and Anaesthetics.

Anaesthesia and an Anaesthetic. Lethal Combination!
Such awe-inspiring creatures are these anaethetics. They've got this amazing power in their hands! A little more and you'd be fucked. A little less, then too you'd be fucked, with PAIN. Such is the power that lies in that oh-so-huge syringe that sucks your pain and infiltrates you with a feeling of Numbness. 'Feeling of Numbness'-Ah! quite paradoxical. You can't really FEEL Numb! =)Well yeah.., writing this piece after recovering from my semi-altered state of consciousness and still under the influence of this amazing drug called anaesthesia, i wish to recount my experience. Strange are these anaesthetics, coz they tell you (atleast mine did) NOT to close your eyes while they poke you inside your mouth(for me) to give you a dose. So, there you are, sitting helpless on that seat SEEING yourself being given that magical potent. I got 5 (mind you, whereas technically i should have got 4. Stubbornness, i guess, it runs in my blood! =/ )
And while the treatment goes on, i shoot to the moon. Dizzy. Thinking random things and moments of revelation which i had never dreamt would occur to me in that state. You think, but you can't feel. (atleast not in that area that is numb).
(with occasional sights of blood laden cotton emerging from my mouth :S ) One such thought that occurs to me in that state is the everlasting conflict since the origination of psychology, between Mind and the Body. My face below the eyes was numb for atleast 4 hours. In that span of time, even if someone held my face or kissed me as a gesture of love and care, it didn't matter. And it wouldn't have mattered, not even if it would have been someone i love. Simply because i couldn't feel that sensation of touch. My neural pathways would not transfer that information to my higher centres of processing inorder to make me experience that threshold of sensation.
And this dear reader, was Numbness.
Mind and body are like two parallel lanes of a railway track which together support the train running over it. No one wins. They're incomplete and lifeless without each other, capable of causing a 'derailment' even if either of them is disfunctional. They're like two contradictions and quoting my demigod here
"You have to systematically create confusion, it sets creativity free. Everything that is contradictory creates life". - Dali

Don't know why, but i really had an awesome experience. (and the reader must be thinking that the writer is crazy, but who cares! ) i REALLY did! Honest! Considering the fact that I have never fainted in my life (not that i remember), never got a fracture (i mean, c'mon, Everyone does!) or had any such medical complications (except years ago coz of asthma). I feel a little out of place. Not that i'm saying i love visiting hospitals, But... it's just WEIRD! Also, expressing my feelings here as a younger sister, i always find it very strange and (most of the time) frustrating as to how it has always been my sister who has had medical complications. WHY?! why why why? Even though, i'm the one who is a caesarean child! If there should have been any complications, it should've been with Me, not her!
But today, i feel different and i know that as a matter of fact, so will she! Because it's me who wins this time. Here i'd like to mention that tomorrow, my sister will be undergoing the similar treatment, I did today. The only difference is that mine was intentional and her's is a necessity, a 'medical emergency'. But i promise her, that it'll be different for her THIS time. Not because she would not have any of the family member beside her tomorrow, but because i shall suck away all her pain. Not a minuscule of what she has experienced over the years... but just a pin prick. A pin prick of anaesthesia, I shall be... =)

*adds a line* oh, and what is best is that the after-effects of this lethal combo puts you to a peaceful and tranquil sleep. You'd realize its value if you're an insomniac.
I feel levitated. My work is done. =)

PS: I love you J, and i'm gonna marry an anaesthetic! ;)

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Kingdom of Dreams

A World, passionless and dry.
A Pond, a static reverie.
A Fish, harvesting in futile.
Swimming in the waters of an Astute Observer.
Grandiose illusion of grandiose fervor.

A Frog, croaking day and night.
The Fish, a patient listener.
Swimming in the waters of comfort.
An arcane mind
She wishes to find.

The Astute Observer, scared of effusiveness.
The Fish, stripped of nakedness.
Swimming in the waters in search of home.
An empty pond she wishes to refill only with the waters of The Astute Observer.
A passionate preserver...

The Frog and The Astute Observer
A mere mirrors, overcome with trepidation of affinity.
The fish, anticipating the Equinox.
Caught in the charade of emotions, they wax pleasure.
Grandiose illusion of grandiose treasure.

Eyes: of The Fish, The Frog and The Astute Observer
A cauldron of desire, stirring the grey matter
studded with ashes and roasted with madness.
Grandiose illusion of grandiose Happiness...

We must flow to the river, to keep this Kingdom alive... =)

Sunday, April 3, 2011

book begins...


 


Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it

Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten


Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins . . .

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The fragrance that clings...

 नाय़ाब (priceless, rare)
हकीकत  में  क्यों  साथ  नहीं ?!
चले  जा  रहे  हैं  बस  युहीं,
हकीकत  क्या  है  और  क्या  नहीं
जैसे  रेल  की  पटरी  पर  चल  रहे  हैं |
नाय़ाब  हैं  हम,  नाय़ाब  हो  तुम ...

एक  हसरत  दिल  मैं  लिए  
अधूरी   ख्वाहिशों   के   परदे   सिये, 
मुल्कों   मुल्कों   मैं  ये   ख़त   तुम  तक   लिए 
जैसे  रेल  की  पटरी  पर  चल  रहे  हैं |
नाय़ाब  हैं  हम,  नाय़ाब  हो  तुम ...

जैसे  आँखों   की  इबादत  है
कायिनात   की  शरारत   है ,
इस   इत्र   से   महक   ता- उम्र   यह   इबादत  है 
जैसे  रेल  की  पटरी  पर  चल  रहे  हैं |
नाय़ाब  हैं  हम,  नाय़ाब  हो  तुम ...

एक  दुआ  से  बाँधा  यह  समाः  है 
राख  में  महफूज़  शम्मा  का  जलना  है,
कहें  तो  बस  इन  ख़्वाबों  के  महफ़िलों  का  दौर  यह  समाः  है 
जैसे  रेल  की  पटरी  पर  चल  रहे  हैं|
नाय़ाब  हैं  हम,  नाय़ाब  हो  तुम ...
 नाय़ाब 
 नाय़ाब
 नाय़ाब | 


Indeed, love is... unconditional! =)

Friday, February 11, 2011

Dot

न -अहम्  चक्रम  अस्मि
अहम्  तु  केवलं  तस्य  एकम  बिंदु  अस्मि...
An exploration... from Aham 'अहम्' to Maha 'माहा'

"Bindu is variously described by teachers as the essence of speech (sabdatattva), unsound word, Brahman Kundalini, the stable, knowledge, energy, the transcendent one, the primal sound, the great 'maya', the void and unstruck sound.
Bindu, literally meaning a drop or a point, 'drapsa' in Vedic Sanskrit, and 'avayava', body according to Panini, prominently refers to the point which goes to form a material body of the universe.
Mahabindu or simply bindu is said to be the seed of creation. It is this manifest form of 'thisness' from which the whole creation receives its nourishment.
Mahabindu has two aspects, one being that of evolution from which everything proceeds, is maintained and nourished, while the other is that of involution in which everything goes back to the source and finally merges in i-consciousness"
-Kalatattvakosa

"Force without face
Matrix of forms
And rampant against forms
In space an eye without face contemplates"
-Henri Michaux

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Trampled...

" A wanderer is not an escape artist, and one is not a lonely number."
These words kept ringing in my ears as i (along with my friend) went on an exploration today..., to the places unknown to us. No, we did not go on a road trip to any forest, hills, beaches or plains but out of sheer boredom and availability of 'time' (=/)  set out to explore our own college and discovered some really interesting places.

Random Walking: I always wonder why we do 'random walking exercise' in every theatre workshop... But bah.. it helps! ;)
So as we started walking towards the back-lawns of our college, i came across a really spooky yet mystic tree! Ah! how much i love trees... Barren. Yet a creative spree!
Guess,  it acted as my incentive to keep walking in anticipation of more beauty...

Walking further, we entered a nursery.
Green. Quiet. Tranquil.
Just us (both) and them (plants).
A breath of life, eloquent in its silence.
Little did we both realize that we ended up spending 45minutes in that nursery. Quite less...but seemed like an unfathomable sea of time...
Little (barely) did we talk, but heard the unheard.. the अनसुनी ...
The chirrupings of birds, the rustling of leaves, the sound of wind...  i was filled to the brim! =)



But i was receiving more...
Ashes. A pool of ashes caught my eyes. Wood ash. And i knew in that very instance that i HAD to collect some of it. There is something strange about ashes (apart from its Greyness, texture, taste and form) that arouses a feeling of awe in me. It is charged with 'is-ness'. It is what it is. The Allness and Infinity, an Identity (lost or found) in its own... Yet, it's not. 
sigh.

Time flew...as if in a wink... and we observed more...
Another wanderer, like us. An eagle flying above us in the open skies. Seeking, searching for its 'prey'. (probably). We don't know if it found one...
But we surely felt prey to all this grandiose beauty that we saw, heard, smelt and felt...

"It's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world.
Sometimes i feel like i'm seeing it all at once.
and it's too much...
My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst.
and then i remember to relax...
And stop trying to hold on to it.
and then it flows through me like rain...
and i can't feel anything But
Gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... "

*Silence.* We all shared that Universe of silence.

and we came back... trampling on those 'Fallen Angels'...
my friend
me



















I better RELAX... and go paint... =)